


A Free World Without Him

by Alex_Heichou



Series: Broken Wings [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Depression, M/M, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Suicide, free world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 15:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3416465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alex_Heichou/pseuds/Alex_Heichou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why not let go, when you have nothing else left?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Free World Without Him

Was it really that unhealthy? Walking back to the same spot every morning, lying down a new handful of freshly picked flowers from a field not to far away, then sitting down...not to move for what felt like a lifetime. Sometimes he would sit in silence. Sometimes he would rant, scream...laugh. The more time that passed however, the more pointless days that dragged into pointless nights that dredged ever so painfully by. He began to realize exactly how pointless it all was.

The world no longer had a need for Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. With the gates left wide open and the Survey Corps ever so excitedly began exploring the new land. There was no need for the skill to fly through the air and kill the gigantic beasts. There was no need to fear death from the titans. The people inside the walls let his presence turn into a distant memory. 

Hanji had been declared the new Commander, in charge of the now entirely research based part of the Survey Corps. The Garrison’s purpose was no longer a necessity and the merging of the two forces went more smoothly than many had ever anticipated. Levi had slowly let himself slip into the background at meetings. Hanji was planning huge exploration teams to venture outside. 

Eventually he stopped going. He disappeared into a small shack near his lover’s grave. The only one to find him there had been the current commander. He’d convinced them rather quickly to leave him alone. The conversation sent shivers down his spine. Their yells in protest reverberated through his mind. Hanji cared about him so much, but they didn’t understand that his mind had already been made up. 

He had served his duty until the very end. He had helped humanity achieve victory over the disgusting creatures he’d come to despise. Isabel, Farlan, Erd, Gunter, Oluo and Petra...he’d finally avenged them. He didn’t quit on humanity. He had done his work, he’d paid his debts.

Why couldn’t they understand that? Hanji wanted him to lead an entire expedition of his own, be a leader into their new free world. He didn’t want too. He didn’t want more lives in his hands. He didn’t want to be followed. He didn’t want to follow orders. He didn’t want to leave him behind. 

How could they have forgotten?

Had they let the image of the rope being slipped around his lover’s neck slip their mind? Had they pretended like it hadn’t happened? Like he was still alive? How could they...when they had replaced him? He wouldn’t leave. He could never leave. He had promised to remember; he had promised keep his memory alive. 

Because really, what was a free world without Erwin Smith?

He didn’t want to find the ‘ocean,’ to dip his toes into the sand and see the expanse of water that never seemed to stop. He didn’t want to listen to the sound of the waves crashing as they met the lumpy earth. He didn’t want to lie down on his back and watch the first free sunset he’d ever seen. He didn’t want to be turning to a cold nothing for warmth, with only the grim reminder that the person who was supposed to be there keeping him warm...was below the surface and colder than he was. 

So Hanji let him go. They let him go and only ever came by for quiet updates on when their first expedition would be let out. They made sure to let him know the offer to come back was always available. He never took it. He never would.

Back and forth from a dusty shack, a nearly flowerless field and the headstone to a grave.He fed himself only enough to get by, he slept for only hours at a time and he hardly spoke to anyone, only Hanji on their occasional visit. Eventually those stopped too however, the last words they’d spoken leaving a chill, cooling through his bones.

“The first mission leaves today. Goodbye, Levi.”

This wasn’t like the usual missions. No, they had supplies enough for a few weeks out in the field, rather than a day or two. They could set up camp without fear of the titan’s attack. They could carry more and explore further at a more comfortable pace. The resources with the newly acquainted Garrison members left the Survey Corps more powerful than ever.

“Goodbye Hanji.”

The mood was somber and he could only guess that they knew what he was planing. They knew what he would do when he was finally truly alone...and they weren’t going to stop him. They knew he would never let himself be taken along on the mission but he knew they would never pass up the chance to see the outside world. 

Today was different than the ones before. He managed to pull on his uniform, the straps the boots...everything to make him look immaculate. Hanji hadn’t asked for his gear back, and he’d put it on as well, but the blades had been left aligned on a small table in his shack. He didn’t need them, this wasn’t for the fight. 

Instead of pulling on his jacket, he pulled on Erwin’s. It was large on him, the sleeves slipping past his hands and the seam slipping all the way down his waist. It was warm, pressed and clean, but the smell of his love had faded long ago. The comforting feeling that went with the idea of the blonde filled him as he walked out the door.

He didn’t really remember his journey to the outermost wall. It had taken him a few days travel to get there, but it had been a mixture of pointless interactions and blurring landscapes. Nothing substantial to see, nothing that really mattered. 

For the first time in months he reached for the controls of his maneuver gear, making his way to the top of the impossibly tall wall. For a while, all he could do was stare. There it was. That had been their dream. Travel far beyond these barriers to live a quiet life in peace and ignorance. They would never have had to worry about the public's problems ever again. They would be free to do whatever they wished. 

It was something they could never have. 

Many people had told him that he looked like he was flying while he was using his gear. He moved so quickly that it didn’t look like there were any strings at all, that he had true wings and used them to the fullest ability. 

Soaring through the sky for the last time, the tiniest of smiles pierced his lips. 

Broken wings don’t fly.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm probably gonna write a bunch of stuff for their actual relationship now that all of this depressing shit is out of the way. So prepare for some cute fluff, or don't because you know this is how it ends anyway and hate me for it... mehhh


End file.
